Good-bye Water

It's a very sad day in the Smith household. Oh who am I kidding, I've kinda been waiting for the day. Over a year a half ago you may remember this post about how we got a fish. Well, today (or maybe yesterday or the day before...) Water died. Let's just say I have never been awfully fond of changing the water in the fish tank and remembering to feed the dang thing. At first Gav thought it was cool, but he pretty much never looks at it or thinks about it, so it's just kind of this thing that sits on my counter and makes me do extra work. I even tried using it as my white elephant gift for a party but I ended up getting it back.

So I was maybe a little sad that I would have to tell Gavin he died, but I figured he would think the flushing of the fish would be cool. I sat down by him and explain that his fish died but it was okay because he went to Heaven. Gavin asked me if he was with Heavenly Father and I told him as much, to which he replied, "Is he going to fix him?" CUTE. Sure, I said, but he was always going to live with Heavenly Father now. "So we can get a new fish." My response, "I don't think so." I probably should feel like a bad mother for this but he honestly doesn't ever think about the fish. Gavin just kind of sat there and I said, "Hey! Should we go flush him down the potty?" "YES!!!!" and he jumped up and ran for the fish. Nice...I knew we would be ok with that part.

So we get the fish and the neighbor calls so Gavin has to explain to her that the fish died and that he's in Heaven to get fixed. He waits not so patiently for me to get off the phone and then we commence with the flushing. It goes like this:

Scoop out the fish
Dump in the potty
Dump disgusting fish water in with him
"Look mom! The water is making him swim around!" Gavin exclaims as we're dumping the water in.
"Yea, buddy, but he's still dead." (Can you tell I'm not one to dance around a subject?)
"I know, Mom. When can I flush him?"
"Go for it."
Flush
We watch fish swirl around and Gavin says, "Bye fish! Have fun in Heaven!"
I hide a chuckle and start to think, phew...we made it.
Then....
"Mom I'm just so sad my fish is dead." followed by sad face and eyes starting to tear up.
I panic and start to think I should have been much more sensitive about the situation...after all he is only 3...
"Oh sweetie, but he's happy now with Heavenly Father in Heaven."
"I know mom, I'm just so sad."
Crap, more tears threatening to overflow. I've really done it now...
"Come here, and I'll hold you."
He climbs on my lap, we hug for like 3.8 seconds
"Mom, I'm just going to go work in the garden with dad."
Hops off my lap and runs for the back door.
Sigh of relief...we're past it. Somewhere in the back of my mind I'm hoping I didn't psycologically damage him for later in life.
But for now...we're all ok. Well, except Water...

Cake Boss

We recently signed up for Netflix and you can watch videos instantly on your comptuer. It's a lot of fun and we can just hook the laptop right up to the TV. Lately I've been obsessed with watching "Cake Boss" while I fold laundry. Gavin has joined me a couple of times and he loves to see all of the cool cakes they do.

I wasn't at all surprised last Sunday when I went in to his room and found this.....
I walked in and the first thing he said was, "Mom this is a wedding cake!" I told him I thought he was pretty creative and he said, "No, I'm not creative, I'm just the cake boss." He then said, "Ok, everyone come check this out," just like the Cake Boss says to the rest of his crew after he has finished a cake. What a cutie! I wonder what he will come up with next!He looks so proud, but my favorite is Max sitting in the background, like "Come on. I do cool stuff too...."

When I grow up I want to be....

A photographer. There. I said it. I think it is amazing, and if you would have asked me in high school I would have NEVER guessed this is what I wanted. I guess in admitting that I now can never say, "I've always had a passion for photography" when I actually have a business and write up a little bio. I think I just always had this mental block that in order to be a photographer you needed to be good at art. I'm not. I draw stick figures.

I would like to be a photographer and not just a "wannabe" a lot sooner than I think is in my future. But for now I'm thankful for those that let me practice!

I don't think people realize how much time photographers (or wannabes like me...) spend editing. Of course we all want to get great shots straight from our camera, but I think the editing aspect of photography is what gives pictures that little "umpf" and makes it look slightly more professional than just a snapshot. I sometimes wish my pictures could use a little less editing and were a little crisper coming right out of my camera, but that will come with time.

Here is an example of what editing can do for a picture....

I still have a long way to go, but now I've said it out loud. Well, in blog speak anyway.

Living well...

I had a major turning point in my thinking today. Kinda like one of those "come to Jesus" moments. If you're not up for hearing about me and my "be your own shrink" moment, go ahead and stop reading HERE.

So...naming no names and keeping this as vague as I possibly can (I can see you all now wondering if it's you I'm going to be talking about...) there is someone in my life that I struggle with. I'll just admit it. We all have SOMEONE, right? Please don't let me think I'm alone in this. Anyway, this person has always been someone that I think in some strange way I feel like I need to "compete" with. (Don't worry, exceptional friends of mine...it's probably not you...said person probably doesn't even read this blog.) I truly am happy for people who are talented and have skills that I can't even possibly dream of having. I think my issue with said person is that I never feel like this person thinks I am good at anything. That sounds slightly conceited like I think I'm good at a lot of things, but there are some things I am good at, even if I don't particularly excel, and said person, it seems, is only concerned with how great they are at things.

So, now that I'm you're all confused...this person did something that slightly felt like a slap in the face. Only slightly, but nevertheless. I felt that all too familiar feeling of anger starting to boil over. I found myself concocting all of these crazy ways to get my revenge. Suddenly I just stopped and did a mental head slap. Why do I care? Honestly, why? I know who I am. I know what I'm good at. Why on earth does it matter what this person does? And the best revenge I realized I could possibly have was to live well. Live well and be thankful every day that I am me and for all of the things I am blessed with in this life. I have more than one person could possibly ask for and I want to consciously choose each day to live life to its fullest. I want to be one of those people who others want to be around because I'm always happy. I've been a huge Debbie Downer this last week and the energy that took was exhausting. I have felt so wonderful and vibrant today and I want to keep that ALWAYS.

If I ever forget to make all of you feel important, or special, or talented. I truly am sorry. I never want anyone to have to feel that I don't notice their talents, or behaviors. I'm thankful for all of you wonderful people reading this blog. Even if it's maybe only my parents....:)

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a preschooler!

Is this not the cutest, most excited face you've ever seen? He was so excited for his first day of preschool! He even let me take some pictures of him and was in a great mood as he got ready. My favorite part was when I asked him to stand up for me so I could take a picture of how big he was and he said, "Yea, I'm 12, 8!" He must have heard us comment a few times about how he was 12 lbs 8 oz when he was born, but I never realized he caught onto it! I couldn't stop laughing.

When we got there he was so excited to go in and see his teacher. He could have cared less that I was leaving him there and even said to his teacher, "My mom's just going to leave without me, ok?" Such a silly boy! I'm so proud of him and what a big boy he was. He's so sweet and so smart and it was so fun to see all the cute little things they did today. He came running out to me when I picked him up and told me that they got to watch a movie. I asked what it was and he couldn't remember and ran back and asked his teacher, "What was that movie we watched?" I'm sure she'll be getting a good laugh out of all of his silliness this year.

"Sew" dressed up...

I have a new OBSESSION with sewing! I can't believe how wonderful it is and it took me 26 years to figure this out. I have even had a sewing machine for 7+ years and I bought and NEVER used. Where has this skill been all of my life!

I decided I was tired of the forgetting to buy new ties for Gavin since he's out grown his and found THIS tutorial online. It seemed simple enough for an amateur like me (and of course I wouldn't forget to buy fabric...)so I gave it a go, and look what we got!

Don't let that grumpy face fool you, he loved his tie! I can't wait to make them some different ones!

Letting off some steam....

UPDATE:after writing this post...syrup was spilled on my freshly mopped floor and no freaking out happened. We just wiped it up and all of us took a nap! It was WONDERFUL to say the least and if I had known all week what I needed was just a nap I would have tried harder to make it happen :)

This week has by far felt like the most challenging week as a mother. It's ridiculous too that I would pick this week rather than a week where my family was all sick, or something pivitol was going on. But no, instead I pick a week where it's probably no different than any other week, I'm just emotionally charged and a little extra busy. Everything has just felt SO incredibly overwhelming to me this week and left me wondering why I sometimes even try....take for instance this picture

Can you spot my source of frustration? How about the giant holes in EVERY loaf? I know, I know, what's the big deal, and I didn't freak out over it (if I had there wouldn't have been a picture), it was just the 9th thing that could have possibly gone wrong in a 10 minute period. I've been wondering all week how everyone else seems to have it so together. Why is my house always a disaster to the point where I don't even want to let anyone in? Why do my kids always look like slobs and throw giant screaming fits at home or in the store?

I'm sure all mothers have days (weeks) like this, and I'm not saying that mine is by far the worst, but I needed to blow off a little bit of steam and in my typical fashion, writing does that for me. I love my children more than anything and I have tried so hard this week to keep that thought as my main focus. I'm trying to remember that for every 10 things that are hard, 1 single cute little saying or action from them cancels all of that out.

Here's to a better rest of the week!