Bittersweet

Today I was released from Young Women's.  I knew the day was coming and wasn't very surprised when Brother Roden started calling us out of mutual on Tuesday.  I've thought for a little while that it was time.  I was exhausted, going through some personal things, and it was still hard with Keith's schedule and the boys.  I knew it was time, but it's so hard to let something like that go.  I've never had a harder yet more fun and rewarding calling.  I have loved all of the girls so much and have been thrilled to watch them grow and learn.  They are so amazing...I've said that so many times how i just can't believe how amazing they are.  I was truly blessed to get to know them and to work with some of the most fantastic women.  I don't know that I can actually sit here and write my feelings at this time because I feel quite emotional about it, but I wanted to document this day for my records.  It was a lot harder than I thought it would be to leave these girls and despite being "free" this Tuesday night, I know I'm going to feel a little bit "empty".  I know the women who will now be with our girls will be fabulous.  They are all amazing and I know that at this time it is what the girls will need, but I can't help feeling slightly jealous.  Jealous of the time they will get to spend with them, and jealous of the way the girls will grow to love them.  It sounds silly, but really, it was a great calling for my self esteem :)  To feel so loved by so many girls was great.  I am also so sad to not be working with my dear friend Karen anymore.  I was so sad to lose Mistie when they released her last year and was so worried who they would replace her with.  I waited a long 4 months for someone too and glad that for whatever the reason I had to wait, I did and was able to work with Karen.  I know that my Heavenly Father knows me and put 2 wonderful women in my path to get to know as friends and to work with.  Sometimes I wonder how much the calling was really for me to be there for the girls or for them and my advisers to be there for me.  I'm sure it goes both ways in so many aspects.  For whatever the reason I know my Father in Heaven truly loves me and watches out for me just as he does for the young women.  I also need to thank my sweet friend Susan.  I honestly could never have done this calling without her.  There were so many times she took the boys for me when Keith was working and I hope that she knows just how much that meant to me.  It was not an easy thing for me to have to worry about and so many times she just would offer and not even wait for me to ask.  All of that help meant the world to me.  This is really all I can say for now and maybe will be able to write more when I feel a little less emotional about things.